Thin Skin

My mother had thin skin.

Thin skin. Thin skin.

I think of her bandages and her bruises and the blue of her veins.

The pale of candles and the gray of fog begs forgiveness.

Smoke. Mist. There. Not there. Be careful.

Thin skin. Thin skin.

Love tears hurt wounds. I'm bleeding. Where'd that come from?

She had thin skin and was often bleeding.

I wanted her skin to be thicker. I wanted her to heal more quickly.
I wanted her not to be wounded by a quick glance or a sharp tongue.

But she was. She was she was. Forever wounded and forever woundable.

I wanted her to have armor. Instead, she had thin skin. Thin like an eardrum that hears everthing with percussive force.

Thin like eyelids that can't hold back the intensity of life. What others welcome, thin skin cannot withstand: sun, light, life's simple brushes bumps and bruises.

She had thin skin and I'm sorry.

Epiphany IIIA - Mr. Zebedee

Preached by the Rev. Charles Dupree at Trinity, Bloomington

"As he went from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John, in the boat with their father Zebedee, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed him." (Matthew 4: 21-22)

During a recent conversation about the passage we just heard, someone said the following: I feel sorry for father Zebedee.

Father Zebedee . . . Who’s that? He’s not really a character that we think about in Scripture.  In this case, Mr. Zebedee is the father of the two disciples that Jesus has just called. James and John are their names. Jesus calls these two fellows to be his disciples and they follow. But they leave something behind - their father, Mr. Zebedee. In that day, Mr. Zebedee would have really depended on these two sons. He’d probably been training them since they were young boys, teaching them how to work the boat, read the weather, pay attention to the wind. He’d taught them how to work those nets like masterful technicians. Mr. Zebedee taught James and John as sons, but also as business partners. They relied on each other as family. Mr. Zebedee probably hoped to leave the family business to James and John.

So, what’s up with this Jesus fellow coming into the picture and messing things up? They abandon everything that they had learned. They drop their nets. They drop their family. They drop their father and their father’s hopes to follow Jesus.

Discipleship isn’t predictable.

It reminds me of a story told by American theologian, Will Willimon:

William Willimon used to be the dean of the chapel at Duke University. "One day he received a phone call from a very irate father. The father exploded on the other end of the line, telling Willimon furiously, ’I hold you personally responsible for this!’ He was angry because his graduate-school-bound daughter had decided (in his words) ’to throw it all away and go and do mission work in Haiti with the Presbyterian Church.’

The father screamed, ’Isn’t that absurd! She has a B.S. degree from Duke and she is going to dig ditches in Haiti! I hold you responsible for this!’

Willimon said, ’Why me?’ The father said, ’You ingratiated yourself and filled her with all this religion stuff.’

Will Willimon is not easily intimidated. He asked the father, ’Sir, weren’t you the one who had her baptized?’

’Well, well, well, yes.’

’And didn’t you take her to Sunday School when she was a little girl?’

’Well, well, yes.’

’And didn’t you allow your daughter to go on those youth group ski trips to Colorado when she was in high school?’

’Yes . . . but what does that have to do with anything?’

’Sir, you are the reason she is throwing it all away. You introduced her to Jesus. Not me!’

’But,’ said the father, ’all we wanted was a Presbyterian.’

Willimon, who has an instinct for the jugular, replied, ’Well, sorry, sir, you messed up. You’ve gone and made a disciple.’"[1]

We don’t know if Mr. Zebedee calls up Jesus and blams him for his sons misguided future. But I hope that Mr. and Mrs. Zebedee sees in their children’s eyes a faithfulness – a belief that they can and will make the world better. For Mr. Zebedee, this involves a faith of his own – trust in his sons to be fishermen, but different kinds of fishermen.

Every single human life has a purpose.  And that purpose, as we understand it, is to bring health and wholeness to God’s world.  That purpose, whether as individuals, or as a community of faith, as our catechism teaches us, is to restore all people to unity to God and each other through Christ.  Every single human life is has a part to play in God’s plan for restoration.  Every single human creature has an unfolding potentiality.  And when God calls and calls and calls, God’s purpose moves closer and closer to the surface, until, one day, we must do something about it. In the Jewish tradition, they say that every blade of grass has an angel over it saying, ‘grow, grow, grow.’  This same kind of thing happens to us.  God’s breath, God’s spirit, is moving within and around each one of us, calling us into our full potential, and whispering, Grow, Grow, Grow.

Sometimes, this growth happens quickly, and sometimes it takes its time. Sometimes we plan for it, and sometimes it comes out of left field, like a child who surprises us by how they really have been listening. They’ve been listening and watching everyday.

It’s important to note that the Zebedee son’s call does not come to them in some holy temple.  They aren’t ordained by some bishop somewhere.  They’re not praying or doing holy things when the call comes. Their call comes in the middle of the work day.  They’re not even out on the water. They’re on the shore, fixing their nets.  They don’t have degrees – they have calloused hands and wind-burned cheeks. “When God calls, [we] should not think so much about who [we] are, but about what Jesus [is making of us].”[2]

So, if you want to pick up the phone and blame someone or something for you or someone you love being a disciple, I’m happy for the Church to take the blame . . . The Church that fed you, shaped you, told you stories, listened to you. The Church that married you and baptized you. The Church that made you conscientious, compassionate, passionate. The Church that asked you to love yourself, love God, love your neighbor. The Church that makes you scratch your head and shake your fist in befuddlement, and the Church that helps you fall asleep at night, knowing that you are loved. Yes. Blame the Church for all of that. The Church can take it. Blame the church, for its role is to shape and form disciples, and disciples you are.

Grow. Grow. Grow, disciples.

What is Jesus making of you in this moment?

Glory to God, whose power working in us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine . . . 

---

[1] Sermoncentral.com

[2] Drop-Everything-Discipleship Epiphany 3 | Ordinary Time 3 from the book GOD'S DOWNWARD MOBILIty Sermons For Advent, Christmas And Epiphany, Cycle B / John A. Stroman

Epiphany II - What are you seeking?

Preached by the Rev. Charles Dupree at Trinity Episcopal Church, 2017

John 1:18 No one has ever seen God.

John 1: 38 What are you looking for?

Do you ever wonder how much time we spend looking for something. You may have seen me walking around church with a water bottle. This is a stewardship effort for me. I don’t buy water in plastic bottles, so I have one bottle. But I lose it all the time. “Where is my water bottle,” I say as I retrace my many steps.

Where are my car keys? Where is my phone? Where are my gloves? Where did I leave my shoes? Where did I put my glasses?

A popular one for downtown, “Where am I going to park?”

From clean socks to your children’s left shoe, we spend a lot of time looking. How much time do we spend looking for things? A recent survey says that the average American spends 55 minutes a day looking for things they can’t find.

Another survey says that Americans will lose approximately $5000 dollars worth of stuff over a lifetime.

What are you looking for? This might be a question that we ask our spouses or family members every day before racing off to work or school, but today, somebody else is asking us.

“What are you looking for?” he asks. His name is Jesus, and I don’t think he’s referring to a misplaced phone charger.

This idea of Looking, of seeing, of searching, of finding, is very important in the Gospel of John.  The Gospel of John is all about pointing out who Jesus is. This is why there are so many uses of the verb “look” or “see.”

A few examples from the portion of John’s gospel that we hear this morning:

From John’s first chapter:

·        29. John SAW Jesus coming toward him.

·        John points to Jesus, “THERE is the Lamb of God. . .”

·        32. John SEES the spirit descend and stay on Jesus.

·        34: John says, “I have SEEN it – this is God’s Chosen one.

·        Again in 36: John LOOKS toward Jesus and says, “THERE is the Lamb of God.”

·        And when the disciples start to follow Jesus, Jesus asks them, “What are you looking for?”

So our Gospel writer spends a lot of time telling us who Jesus is, and what his purpose is. Primarily, Jesus is here to be God in the flesh. Earlier back in verse 18, we hear that “no one has ever seen God.” But now we have, and John spends a lot of time pointing out that this Jesus is now here, in the flesh. Who? What? Where?

There! Look! See!

We kow it’s not polite to point, but I imagine John the Baptist pointing with his finger to Jesus. THAT ONE! See, we can see God, and he stands there in the flesh, I can point him out to you. I can point God out to you. There, look, see.

Again, we remember that Jesus’ birth just four short weeks ago, is about the incarnation. And this Jesus we can ese with out own eyes is here so that we can see and know God and point to the ways that life and society can be different. Seeing is believing, they say.

Remember, first things are important in the Gospel. In John’s Gospel these are Jesus’ first words are about looking, seeking, searching. So today, Jesus asks the most philosophical question ever asked, “What are you LOOKING for?” And in asking the question, Jesus also answers the question. For Jesus himself, in the flesh, in body, standing right in front of them, is the answer. And this answer has to do with closeness.

In Jesus, there is a closeness to God that was never before possible. And John the baptist’s role, in this Gospel, is to point to him and say, “There he is. We can be as close as the Jesus right in your midst.”

As 21^st century disciples, our role is no different. We are to point to Jesus – to where he is active and moving and bidding us go. We are to point to the Kingdom. We are to point to the vision that God, through Jesus’ teachings, has imagined for us.

If there was anyone who knew how to do this - whose life pointed to Jesus. If there was anyone who saw Jesus everywhere all the time, it was the man whose life we celebrate tomorrow: Martin Luther King, Jr.

Guided by what he saw in Jesus Christ – guided by the eyes of his faith, Dr. King refused to accept, as he wrote, “he refused to accept the view that [human]kind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war. I refuse to accept,” he says, “that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality. I believe,” he says, “that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”[1]

King was a disciple – a student – a witness – always expecting Jesus to show up. And if Jesus had asked Dr. King, “What are you looking for?” I’m sure he would have given Jesus an earful! He would have been as clear with Jesus about what he was looking for. What was he looking for? Life and Freedom and Equality for all God’s people. And Dr. King was clear with all of us that we should be looking for it, too.

What do we spend our time looking for?

Is it our phone chargers and for our earbuds? Is it our chapstick and our car keys? Or, is it something deeper?

But today, Jesus, God in the flesh, is asking, “What are you looking for?”

What are you looking for? What motivates you? Are you following a path that will take you there? Are your eyes set on a leader that will lead you in that direction?

 We are all looking for something. Some sort of change. For deep meaning. For significance – for a place to find and use our gifts. And, my hunch, is that this is why God has brought you here today. My friends, if you are looking for something, deeply and honestly, if you are desiring something so bad it hurts, chances are, God put it there and is already leading your in that direction.

So, as you move to the Altar this day, hear God’s question to you, “What are you looking for?” And don’t be afraid to tell God, honestly, what it is that you deeply need, and deeply desire. And then, keep your heart and your eyes open for what God will show you.

---

[1] December 10, 1964. Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech.

Sandy Hook Vigil: Reconciliation

Reflection on the topic of Reconciliation, offered to the Interfaith community, in cooperation with Moms Demand Action, Bloomington, IN

Reconciliation comes from words meaning "to come together." In most religious contexts, it has to do with the restoration of relationships. When we think of being reconciled, we think of broken relationships that are mended or a group of people coming together around a hurt - a hurt that they are able to put to rest. We use the word often to describe how individuals or groups, having been reconciled, can move forward again into a new chapter of life.

I'd like to speak tonight about reconciliation from a different perspective. A perspective that begins, not with the relationships we have with the other, but with the relationship we have with the self. For, if reconciliation is about coming together, that coming together must being with the very different parts of the self.

Any person in her right mind will agree that the self is always at war. It pushes and pulls. It grabs and releases. It holds on then lets go. It agrees then disagrees. The self can at one time want to live a life of ease and simplicity, and then pick up the computer and go on a shopping binge. The self can want a life free of competition and comparison, and in the same moment pick up the phone to see how many likes he has on a Facebook post. The self can crave to be free from the desire to do harm to self, while simultaneously doing that which is harmful. The self is always at war.

The starting point for reconciliation, then, is the self. Our own lives become the training ground for coming together. How can humanity expect to come together with each other, if we are unaware of the coming apart of the self? How can humanity come together with hands that are open and receptive, as long as we are unaware of the warring voices in our own heads and our own lives.

This is why our practices of prayer and meditation are important. These practices call us to look at ourselves with honesty. When we pray, when we practice meditation, we enter into spaces of honesty. The first observation to make is that we are all beautifully and wonderfully made, but as with anything beautiful, it can be equally complex. We are complex creatures, and we can easily turn a blind eye to the places of violence in our own interior landscapes. This is why our faith communities are so important.

In our faith communities, we learn practices and skills that help us look at these places of danger. Our faith communities support our journeys into and through frightening places. Our faith communities create the supportive environment in which to distinguish the true self from the false self. In these holy places, we might even face the startling reality that we are not the center of our own universe.

Reconciliation must begin in a place of brutal honesty. It must begin with the realization that our own inner fears and our own inner struggles and our own inner wars are where fear and division begin. A coming together must begin with a reconciliation of the parts of our lives that are unraveling. And most people aren't skillful enough or strong enough to do that work alone. As David Brooks says, "No person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own. . . Everyone needs redemptive assistance from outside - from family, friends, ancestors, rules, traditions, institutions, exemplars, and, for believers, God. We all need people to tell us when we are wrong, to advise us on how to do right, and to encourage, support, arouse, cooperate, and inspire us along the way" (The Road to Character, p. 12-13).

We don't like to look at the self, and we don't like to ask for help, but I am convinced that much of the violence of the world could be avoided if people were given the space to look honestly at themselves and explore and own their own imperfections, insecurities, and fears. Reconciliation, then, must begin with an examination of the interior life. I like to imagine our faith communities as those spaces, schools, wombs of prayer and stillness that birth right thinking and acting. Our faith communities reflect what should be happening on the inside, giving voice to that which we forget - that which is hard to name or face. Our faith communities remind us that our inner work is as important and worthwhile as the work "out there."

In preparation for our time tonight, I've spent some time asking others, "What is the opposite of a weapon?"

A gift.
A hug.
Love.
Flowers.
Open arms.
A shield.
My favorite response: "a life preserver."

But could it be that the opposite of a weapon is reconciliation? For reconciliation seeks to do the opposite of a weapon. Whereas weapons separate us, reconciliation seeks to bring us together. Weapons drive us further and further apart, whereas reconciliation pulls us closer. Reconciliation calls us to drop that which separates us. It is the ongoing, moment-to-moment work of naming that we are different, but not separate.

Reconciliation is a slower go and it takes practice. So, here we are. Practicing reconciliation. I am thankful for our communities of faith that are involved in this holy and important work. And I am thankful to be here, together, with you. Tonight, we may be wonderfully and marvelously different, but we are not separate.

May the Holy One prosper the work of our hands, and the work of our hearts.

Article from HT, Bean Blossom Reaction

As I saw the images of the spray-painted words on the side of St. David's Episcopal Church, I thought to myself, "Wow. I thought those days were over." If those days were over (and I don't think they were) they are back. No one gets used to being intimidated, frightened, and bullied. Speaking from the perspective of my husband and myself, it doesn't take much intimidation or bullying to pull the rug out from underneath us.

Words and symbols of hate such as the ones spray-painted on the B-Line trail and the ones on the side of the Church in Bean Blossom are a stark reminder that the Church’s witness is critical. When people throw stones and use words that hurt, we can witness to love and compassion. When people turn our places of beauty and safety into chalkboards of hate, we can witness to justice and truth. Each of us is a witness to something. To quote Parker Palmer, “Our lives speak.” To what does your life speak? What does your witness look like?

My life has been dedicated to creating a safe space in which all people can explore the mysteries and beauty of a loving God. Like so many mainline denominations, the Episcopal Church has taken great strides in modeling God's unconditional love. This message is counter to what some believe about God. The more we make this message apparent, the more vulnerable we become. The wielders of the can of spray paint must have known something about the stance of the Episcopal Church, or they wouldn't have left their marks. In speaking our truths, in voicing our opinions, in standing up for what is right, we make ourselves vulnerable. The word for vulnerable comes from a word meaning 'to wound.'  I think of all the brave souls who have been brave enough to make known their opinions about justice and equality. They made themselves vulnerable - wound-able.

The wounds made by a can of spray paint can be covered over, but they are impossible to erase.

I'm not sure what the days ahead will be like, but I am sure of this: God reigns. I know that a spirit of Light and Love is stronger than a spirit of darkness and hate. I know that, even when we take a few steps backward, God is always moving us forward, and this forward action involves our activity and participation. We are called to react, not to become reactive. So, we carefully and prayerfully consider our reaction. How do we respond? I recall the words of the prophet Micah who, in his time, was asking God for direction, and who also lived in the midst of trouble and confusion. “What does the Lord require?” Micah asked (Micah 6:8). To what are we called to witness? As it has always been: do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God. May God give us the wisdom to know when to listen, to know when to speak, and to know when to re-act. May God, even amid our struggles and confusions, bring peace.

This type of peace is more than just words and symbols so easily spray painted on walls and fences. God’s peace is of the heart and spirit - a peace that calls humanity to drop its weapons of swords and symbols and spray-paint. It is a peace that brings humanity to a place of genuine respect and appreciation for that which makes us unique, and for that which makes us the same.

Dear Friends,

Greetings in the name of our Lord, the bringer of healing and health.

Through the thin wall of my 'academic bubble' at Luther Seminary, the news of the violence in Orlando broke. My classmates and I and were just beginning to read the assigned material for our course on the Psalms, which begins today (Monday). One scholar defines a theme of the psalms as a 'move from disorientation to orientation.' The people of Israel were disoriented.

By the rivers of Babylon— there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. 
(Psalm 137:1)

They were no longer in the familiarity and safety of their homes in Zion. They had been moved to a new land - Babylon. They were disoriented, unable to find 'home base.' The themes of the psalms often speak of being in a strange place. This place isn't always a place on the map. The disorientation can be spiritual or emotional.

Regardless of who they are, when sister kills sister and brother kills brother, it is disorienting. Certainly, we have lost our way. All disregard for human life is disorienting. Some of you have kindly reached out to me, as this act of violence hits closer to home. I have to admit that, as a gay person, I can't help but imagine myself in the group of people who were targeted. With regard to my sexuality, my marriage, and my lifestyle, I have become lulled into a place of safety in our wonderful Bloomington and Trinity Church. Clearly, this is not the case in all places and with all people. So, to put it simply, I am disoriented. My center is wobbly and I find myself wondering about many things that I can't yet find the words to articulate. So, I rely on trust.

I trust in the God who reaches into our world, even in the midst of crisis, to surround the sad and suffering with people who will help them and love them and hold them up. I trust in the God who reaches into our world, even when we are angry and lost, to guide us into conversation and holy action. I trust in the God who is the shepherd, even to scattering sheep. I trust in Jesus who stood face to face with conflict in the hopes of bringing about a new kingdom.

What can you and I do to bring about this new kingdom? What can we do to be honest about our prejudices and create safe places to look at them? What can Trinity do to facilitate holy conversations of justice and hope? What can we do to help a disoriented people find their center - their Lord? This is our work together.

For now, though, we pray . . .
We pray for an end to senseless killing and violence.
We pray for the repose of the souls of those who were killed.
We pray for comfort and strength for those who were wounded - and for their doctors, nurses, and families, and caregivers.
We pray for those who have lost daughters and sons, mothers and fathers, friends and colleagues.
We pray for those who wish us ill.
And, when we have come back to a more centered place, we pray for insight and wisdom to be Christ's hands and heart and voice in the world.

May the Lord bless us and keep us . . . all of us.
Charlie+

Easter Wednesday

Do they really have that much to say, these two birds?

Or, is it between my two dumb ears that their conversation is so meaningful?

One arcs yellow, the other dips blue.

But they don’t make green.

No, not green. There is already enough

Beneath the surface,

On the edge of the trees,

Between the two front teeth of the rabbit.

Green is on the way.

No,

Instead, their color is Saffron -

The color of resuscitation, the color of energy, the color of resurrection.

Keep talking, birds.

Swoop and swirl. Arc and axis.

Geometry of life made real by beak, feather, and brittle bone.

Unbashful, unbridled birdsong.

Breath.

Birth.

Born.

Do they really have that much to say, these two birds?

- C. Dupree